Parents and Children

AN ADDRESS DELIVERED AT THE WAUCONDA FRATERNAL GATHERING

The importance of and necessity for education is a fact that is so generally recognized that I think there are none here who would call it in question, in fact the law of the land takes cognizance of its importance and makes it compulsory that children shall have the benefits of a certain period of schooling each year till they attain a certain age in order to fit them to become good citizens and enable them the better to cope with the duties and responsibilities of life. With the privileges and advantages that are enjoyed by all in this land there is no excuse for ignorance of the elementary principles of education, and where such ignorance exists it is due to culpable carelessness, or worse, of the parents or guardians of the young, who have a gross injustice done them by their guardians in thus allowing them to grow up without the benefits and the advantages of that education to which they are entitled. The advantages of education in general being self evident, we would consider for a little a phase of instruction for the young which may not be so generally practiced as their secular instruction, namely, their religious instruction and training. This is a duty which devolves primarily upon parents, and with them rests in a great measure the instruction and guidance of their young, and the laying of a foundation for the development of character which in after years will be built, in the majority of instances, according to the foundation laid in youth. There is a responsibility attached to the training of the young that does not seem to be realized by many who are entrusted with that duty. Paul says, "To fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. vi: 4); and Solomon in his words of wisdom says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. xxii-6). In youth the mind is very susceptible to impressions, and is like a garden in which you sow seed in the springtime, the seed will take root, but it requires careful cultivation or the weeds will grow up and choke the seed sown. The tendency of human nature is to evil, even in youth; hence the necessity, not only of instilling right thoughts and ideas into the young minds, but also of chiding those wrong thoughts and natural impulses which invariably manifest themselves and require a careful pruning and weeding out.

One of the first and main principles in the education of children by parents is the enforcement of obedience. This ought to be taught from a very early age. It is the duty of the parent in making laws and rules for the guidance of their young to see that these laws are complied with, or, failing to be complied with, to enforce obedience by such punishment as may be deemed necessary. Many parents make a great mistake in commencing unwisely in this respect. They will make a rule and fail to enforce it when necessary, and thus impair their influence and authority over their children. For instance, a mother will call to her child to come into the house at once or she will punish it. The child does not obey till it is ready, and the mother does not punish it. Here is a case of disobedience on the one hand and falsehood on the other. This is merely an illustration of what is but too frequently seen and heard in numerous forms. It is, no doubt, done in the majority of cases through thoughtlessness, but none the less wrong on that account—wrong both with regard to the parent and to the child. When a command is given, see that it is complied with; if it is not, then punish for disobedience. This is the divine mode of dealing with disobedience and we cannot improve on it, and this mode of enforcing obedience by punishing disobedience will meet many very difficult cases, such as the case in which a child is unquestionably willful and yet in which it is quite out of a parent's power to make it do what is commanded. For instance, if a child refuses to speak or to say a lesson, punish it at once because it refuses, instead of begging and entreating and threatening, and after all having to end with punishment. This may seem a severe course to advise, but by acting on it, it would soon be found that disobedience would become less frequent, as the child would learn that its parents' commands are given to be obeyed and would act accordingly. If children are to be taught obedience, care must be exercised in the commands laid upon them. They are not to be commanded to do what they cannot do. The great point to be observed is to enforce what is commanded, and therefore, not to weaken your authority, do not command what you cannot enforce. You can enforce your child to come to you when you ask it, but if it has forgotten a lesson you cannot enforce it to repeat it, and even if obstinacy is suspected it would not be wise to punish as an act of disobedience, but rather exact some little penalty for forgetfulness and let the matter pass. And so in numerous instances care has to be taken that an injustice is not done where one would wish only to be just. In speaking of punishment it does not follow that it has to be of a severe character to make it effective in many instances, as even a look of displeasure or a sharp word will be more or less punishment to a very little child; but when occasion demands it, it is anything but an act of love to spare the rod for the enforcement of that which is within the power of the child to perform.

As the child's mind opens and reason develops it will be necessary, not only to exact and enforce obedience, but to show the grounds upon which the duty rests. There must be something higher than a parent's authority—a law upon which the duty rests. Hence the child's mind must be led to see that the commands of its parents are imperative because derived from the obligation of a superior law; it must be led to see that this law is the fundamental principle of moral government, which carries us back to the beginning of our race, and here the instruction of the child should not be neglected, it should be taught the effects of the disobedience to that law given to our first parents, and how displeasing in the sight of God is disobedience, which has brought upon our race all the evils to which we are subject. Illustrations of God's dealings with his disobedient people should be presented to the young minds in such a manner as to be understood by them … so that they may learn obedience and practice it, not simply because it is commanded, but because they know certain things would be pleasing to their parents they will do them, and other things which would be displeasing they will refrain from doing. This state of mind and action on the part of children can only be attained by careful education, but when attained what a vast benefit it is to the child, and how much easier for one with such a training to attain to a full knowledge of the truth and its requirements than is the case with one who has not had the advantages of early training in this direction, but who has been allowed to grow up self-willed and head-strong in the gratifications of the natural impulses. For such an one who is brought under the influence of the truth the task of self-subjection to its requirements is ten-fold greater than in the case of the other; and if a failure is made in the race, how much of the responsibility will rest on the parents for their neglect in not laying a better foundation on which to build!

There are other and important items in the moral training and education of the young which require to be ever set before them, among which we might mention honesty, truthfulness and candor. These elements in a child's character are blunted through the parent's failure to impress upon the young their importance, or through a lack of appreciation where they may be appreciated. A child commits a fault, and on confessing its wrong doing is punished, without any regard to the motive which prompts it to confess; such treatment is not calculated to develop frankness in case of future misdoings. Rather commend the honesty and candor shown in confession, and in a spirit of love and kindness reprove the wrong deed and warn against a repetition by an appeal to the better qualities of the child's nature. Commendation of virtue in a child acts as an incentive to do right, and we find in the messages to the seven churches in Asia, notwithstanding their many faults, anything that was commendable in them was not overlooked, but was duly credited to them. So with the child, do not discourage it if there be anything worthy of commendation by withholding your recognition of it, neither, on the other hand, withhold reproof and correction where necessary, because of other traits that may be worthy of praise, but follow the Spirit's example, and administer both commendation and reproof as the case may call for and by so doing help and encourage the child to overcome its faults.

With these few hints on the moral training and instruction of children we will now consider for a little their religious instruction, which is equally important that they should receive, especially so in the case of children whose parents are in the truth, and yet it is a lamentable fact that in many such cases there exists such a state of ignorance as to give the impression that it is no part of the parents' duty to acquaint their offsprings with the love of God and his plan of salvation. When Moses had led the children of Israel out of Egypt and had brought them to the borders of the land promised, he rehearsed to them the law, the commandments, the statutes and the judgments which he had been commanded to teach them, and said," Hear O Israel the Lord our God is one Lord, and thou shalt love the Lord with all thine heart and with all thy soul and with all thy might, and these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart, and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house and when thou walkest by the way and when thou liest down and when thou risest up." The Psalmist, writing under the inspiration of the Spirit, gives expression to the same idea in Psa. Ixxviii when he says, "Give ear O my people to my law, incline your ears to the words of my mouth; I will open my mouth in a parable, I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done, for he hath established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel which lie commanded our fathers that they should make them known to their children, that the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born, who should arise and declare them to their children, that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.” Paul is in harmony with this when writing to the Ephesian ecclesia, he commands fathers to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Other testimonies might be cited in support of the contention that it is the duty of parents to bring up their children in the knowledge of God's dealings in the past and his purposes in the future, but these ought to suffice to slow that the contention is well founded, and that children ought to be instructed in these things, so that as they grow up and their understandings expand they may come to see what God requires of them if they would be of those who will obtain favor in his sight in that day when he makes up his jewels.

A child of a very tender age can be interested and have its sympathy aroused by many of the Scripture narratives which any one who is at all familiar with the Book can recite in simple language so the child can understand. What is more interesting than the narrative of Joseph, and where is the child, who will not listen to the story with bated breath, if presented in a sympathetic manner? What a beautiful lesson can be impressed on the child's mind from this narrative; or the history of Abraham, his call, the trial of his faith, the promises made to him, the blessings he enjoyed on account of his faith and the yet greater blessing in store for him when he and his seed, the Christ, shall inherit the earth forever? Or the narrative of David, the man after God's own heart, who was chosen when a shepherd boy to be a king, his valor or zeal in the service of God, his forbearance towards Saul, his enemy, on account of his being the Lord's anointed, the covenant made with him by God and how and when it is to be fulfilled? Then again we have the narrative of Moses, the circumstances of his birth, and how he came to be brought up in the house of Pharaoh, his flight, and his subsequent mission as the deliverer of his people from Egyptian bondage, and the many wonderful works performed by his hand in leading them through the wilderness to the promise land; the kingdom of God as it existed in the past, and as it will exist in the future, when the rightful heir to David's throne shall return from the "far country" and raise up that throne which has so long been overturned, and introduce that era of blessing, righteousness and prosperity which shall be a panacea for all the ills that have afflicted humanity.

There is also the narrative of the life and love of Jesus, which is both an example and an inspiration to old and young, and which can not fail to touch a responsive chord in the heart of any child who has its mind led to an interest therein. Love will be awakened by the manifestation of love as shown in his life and his death, and where that sentiment is awakened obedience would naturally follow when its requirements are perceived. There are also the narratives of Samuel, Daniel, Paul and many others that will suggest themselves to those who undertake the task of instructing the young, from all of which important lessons can be derived and impressions made upon the young minds which will be bound to have a molding influence on the character to be formed. The early impressions and ideas imbedded in childhood are apt to be lasting, and how important it is then that these ideas and impressions should be true. The experience of those of us who have been brought up in the belief of error taught us by our parents and teachers in good faith as truth, has shown us what an effort it takes when we come in contact with the truth to eradicate from the mind the impressions of our early education, and if the impressions made on the mind by that which is false be so strong, how much stronger should be the impressions made by the truth, which is so reasonable, so logical and so harmonious throughout; and if these impressions are made in youth and the reasoning faculties brought to bear on them, by which will be seen the harmony and consistency of the truth, it will be next to impossible to supplant the impressions by any system of false teaching that may afterwards be brought to bear on the mind. But care must be exercised in the manner of instructing children in the truth, their sympathy has to be enlisted before any lasting impression can be made. A cold, dry, dogmatic instruction will tend rather to repel than draw a child to the truth; but once get the child's sympathy and love awakened and its interest will be maintained and it will gradually grow in the knowledge of divine things and require no special urging to give to them that time and attention that their importance demands. While the duty of instructing children pertains primarily to the parents, there is in the Sunday school a valuable help to them in this direction, not that the Sunday School should in any way lessen the duty of the parents, or cause them to relax their efforts in instructing their young, but the variety afforded, and the friendly rivalry among the classmates in attaining proficiency in the lessons, and it may be the different methods of presenting truths all have a tendency for good in supplementing the home instruction and in arousing the interests of the child. In so far as Sunday-schools fulfill this purpose they will be found to be beneficial and a power for good, but where they are allowed to take the place of parental instruction their usefulness is to that extent impaired. Only by working hand in hand can the best results be expected and attained, namely, that of leading the young to a knowledge of God's love and his plan of salvation which he has revealed in his Word, and persuading them to give themselves to do his will by rendering the obedience required of them, and continuing steadfast in the way of life, so they may attain to the promised inheritance. With this accomplished the parent and teacher can alike rejoice in the work performed, by which they add a jewel to their crown in the day of reckoning.

J. Leask

The Christadelphian Advocate. September/October 1890, pgs 215-222.